This in an”encore” posting from My 3 Sunz
A couple of years ago I was driving my son to a local transit station. What happened then is as crystal clear as if it were yesterday. At the stop light, I quickly glanced his way to see if he was wearing his seat belt. I had not forgotten a previous time I was driving him. Shortly released from prison, the police officer pulls up next to us and I realize his seat belt isn’t on. This panicked me to no end. How could I not have noticed and insisted “car rules” but then again, why would I have to?
This time he has acquired tattoos that runs from his shoulder to his wrist on one arm. I’m having trouble accepting it, and I’m aware of it. Soon I noticed things around me. At an intersection, the car just next to me pulled up to the stop light. Here was a young driver who appeared to be a drug dealer. There were several young people at the corner gas station; they too looked suspect to me – did I just see them nod to that drug dealer driver? And the car on my right, the driver also had a very noticeable tattoo… Somewhere there was loud music BOOM BOOM BOOMING… Everywhere around me were suspicious people, my son’s age, in cars, on sidewalks, parking lots and bus stations, all seemingly with no direction or purpose. It was like the ZOMBIES had all come out in the afternoon. This is an area I drive daily and I never noticed this before!
What just happened here? I was uneasy about his tattoo. Why? One word: Judgment. I was placing judgment on him AND would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little concerned about how people would judge me! So, as sneaky as my EGO can be, I involuntarily defaulted to my old defects of character – placing judgment on those around me – they looked suspicious! This tactic used to work good when I did not want to take a good look at myself. Let’s face it. If I put the focus on them, I don’t see where there is any “me” in the equation. This time, however, I CAUGHT ME!
I never know when I’m going to resort to old habits where character defects surface, but I am able to recognize what I’m doing and stop it soon after. Before Al-Anon I would not have considered my viewpoint the problem. I sometimes look forward to finding another thing I’m wrong at because it’s so humbling! What a gift!
